My Newest Conundrum: Being Christian in a World Gone Mad

  

      I think it is fair to say that we are living in some kind of weird vacuum of madness.  Everything is topsy-turvy.  What was once considered taboo is now celebrated.  There are educated people that hate our President so fiercely they want the people that vote for him to die before the election!  People are screaming in complete strangers' faces! Celebrities are bragging about their abortions!  Families are being torn apart over differences of opinion.  Even parts of the church are deconstructing everything they once believed.  Even though my social media would suggest otherwise, I HATE CONFLICT, and yet, there is conflict in every part of life right now.  I think a large part of this animosity can be contributed to the media and social platforms.  I watched a documentary on Netflix the other night called The Social Dilemma.  The producers of this film interviewed people who once worked for some of the largest social platforms until they deemed  their jobs were ethically immoral.  Their claim is that they would target their audience and cater to their likes and interests, which at first doesn't sound too bad.  What happens though is  you start seeing only what you want to see, and your position becomes blurred by your own biases. For instance, as a Republican, on my social media I see all the great things that the President has put in place during his time in the White House.  I hear what a great job he has done with Covid,  with nominating Conservatives for the  Supreme Court,  with stopping abortion and sex trafficking, and working on criminal justice reform.  In contrast, I see only negative aspects of Biden's campaign, such as him being unfit physically and mentally for the Presidency, of him raising taxes and government control, and of all his racists comments throughout his political career.   It furthers my position to trust Trump and be scared to death of the Democratic party.  However, if you are Democrat, you would see things like Trump has caused thousands of deaths, that he is racist, that he is a dictator, and so on.  They take statements that have a resemblance of truth and exaggerate them.  This puts fear in the user of the "other side."  A fear that I don't think we have had since the Civil War.  Politics are just part of the unrest we have right now.  There is also Covid, racial unrest, natural disasters, and threats to our freedom.  All of which have been heightened and exaggerated by the news and social media.   

     My conundrum is this:  as Christians how do we live in such a evil world?  I know God's word tells us this is not our home, and that we are just sojourners here.  So, Christians were never meant to feel at home here on Earth.  But right now, like I've never seen in my lifetime, there is so much deceit and truth seems to be distorted as never before.  Or maybe it's just me?  It does not bother me that there is disparity between Christians and NonChristians, there is suppose to be a difference.  We are suppose to shine brightly in the darkness.  What bothers me immensely is how the Church as a whole seems to be losing its way, seems to be losing its light, and veering grossly from the truth and becoming more like the world. It doesn't feel like that in the churches I actually attend or watch online.  They seem to be shining brighter than ever before.  Proclaiming God's word, along with His love, and steering their congregants toward peace amidst the storm.  When I enter the church building, I am elated!  Worshipping God, I am elated.  Reading His word and being reminded of his Omnipotence and Power, I am elated.  But then I leave the building or I turn off the online sermon, and almost instantly I am confronted by someone who wants to sabotage all that I have just experienced and know to be TRUTH.  Progressive Christianity is meandering very deceitfully throughout the Church, and in its attempt to appease the world, it has become like the world, or even worse.  I don't believe in brow beating people over the head with their sins as a way of getting them to trust in Jesus.  However, I do believe we ALL need to know that WE are depraved sinners in need of a Holy Christ.  If we think we are enough, that we are ok, then we do not see a need for a Savior.  We have to see the depravity and ugliness of our sin, before we will turn to Christ for our salvation.  In the name of teaching tolerance, we are depriving people of salvation.  Aren't we?  Progressive Christianity also demeans God's Word.  They change the Word to suit their taste and to allow for tolerance of everybody.  Christianity is an all inclusive, exclusive group of people.  A relationship with Christ is all inclusive in that anyone can come to Christ, and it is exclusive in that the way is narrow and few find it.  You come to Christ on absolutely no merit of your own, it is by unmerited grace that Christ saves.  It is a gift that we cannot earn.  However, your walk with Christ does not stop at salvation.  It begins at salvation, and as you learn more of Jesus, spend more time with Him, come to love Him, and are filled with His Spirit, you no longer can tolerate your former self.  It is a heart change.  Out of His love for you and your love for Him, flows a desire for obedience.   There are churches that are saying the Bible is just a book of letters from men who suggest a good way to live.  The Bible is so much more that.  It is the inspired, God breathed word.  It is the truth that establishes boundaries for everything in this world.  It is the Gospel.  It is part of our communion with God.  It is the way in which He speaks to His children.  It is unchangeable.  The meaning has not been lost in translation.  It is one cohesive story of man's depravity and Christ's redemption.  It hurts my soul when people try to discredit it. 

      Some might say, so what is your conundrum, Sharla?  Just stay away from people and churches like that.  That is my problem, the people that have questioned the Bible, questioned faith, and wanted to change the truths on which I stand are people I love dearly.  People that I care deeply about their souls.  Some might say I am being judgemental, and that is the last thing that I want to be.  I could care less who somebody votes for, somebody can try to change my mind all they want about politics (I probably won't listen, but they can try), but it really bothers me when someone tries to change my mind about Christ and when people celebrate sin.  You can be a Christian and sin, we will never stop sinning this side of eternity. However, you can't be a Christian and love and celebrate sin and live in sin.  It is a matter of the heart. You can't call sin something other than what it is, right?  I guess all of this is bothering me so much because of this weird season we are all in.  Death has become more real to me.  A few people I know have died without Christ, and I don't want that to happen to one more person that I love.  But I seem to drive people further away from faith than closer to it, and that really bothers me.  I have come to the conclusion that the only thing to do is to walk the walk of faith and love, speak truth in kindness, and do a whole lot of praying.  Do any of you feel or see the same things I am seeing, or is the devil just taking a particular interest in me right now?  (Yes, I do believe in the devil and in hell, another thing Progressive Christianity is denying).  I would love to know if any of you feel the same way.  If you do please leave a comment. I would love to have help with my conundrum:):)

TRUTH

     Truth is not fluid.  It is never changing, but timeless.  When people say, "I'm following my own truth," I cringe.  No one person owns truth.  Truth is a person, Jesus Christ.  Truth is God's word.  Both of which are never changing throughout all eternity.  Truth is solid, it is something you can hang your hat on, risk your life for, bet your eternity on.  In an ever changing world, where darkness is called light, and truth is everyone's opinion, we need this Absolute Truth.  Society needs acknowledgement of this Truth to govern and to abide together in peace.  So why are many turning their backs on this Truth?  God tells us in His word that people want to be their own gods and that they are too proud to surrender their lives.  They love their sin more than their Savior.  Therefore their  hearts are hardened by those sins, and they are blind from the Truth.  I know that to be true because I used to be one of them.  Even though I claimed to be a Christian, believed that Jesus died and rose, believed in the Bible, I took a long time to actually lay down my life and take up my cross and follow Him.  I was looking to other things to be my Savior, and I was too stubborn to turn from my sins.  They were comfortable to me, they took no effort, until I started to see the slow death of my soul and God opened my eyes to see that each sin brought death and meaningless.  I slowly realized that nothing could fill that giant hole in my heart but God.  Each of you that has not accepted Christ as your Savior has that giant hole in your heart as well, and I can promise you that if you are trying to fill it with ANYTHING OR ANYONE BESIDES HIM, you will never be fulfilled, and you will die a slow death every day you wait.  

     Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to the Father but by me."  At the same time, highly respected "Christian" Oprah Winfrey is saying to society, "There are many paths to God."  I have loved Oprah Winfrey from the first time she set foot on stage, but she is DEAD wrong.   No other religion in the world has a leader that claimed to be God, but the Christian Jesus.  That is what sets Him apart.  So when someone says to you, "Yeah, I believe in Jesus, He was a great teacher, just like Muhammad or Buddha," you can know that they too are DEAD wrong.  If Jesus was walking around claiming to be God, either He was God or He was a nut.  There is no in between.  Therefore, He would not be just a good teacher, and anyone who says that is an anti-christ.  Jesus also warned us of this in His word, that many anti-christs would make claims that would be false.  Christians are to have nothing to do with these people.  Jesus was God in flesh that dwelt among man, was crucified and died for our sins, and on the third day He rose from the dead, and dwelt among us, until He ascended back to Heaven and now sits on the right hand of God the Father.  He is alive.  If that were not truth, then Christianity would have died out thousands of years ago.  If there had been no risen Savior then all His early disciples would not have risked imprisonment and/or being martyred for His glory and the church would have never been established.  BUT, Jesus was God, and he humbled himself to come to us as man, and live among us, and pay for our sins, so that we can dwell with Him forever and ever.  Wow, that's such good news!  We can have a relationship with the Creator of the universe!  We can have a relationship with Him now on Earth and forever in Heaven.   So when the Corona virus comes, or social injustices happen, or when our country starts falling apart, Christ followers can be assured that they are safe and have nothing to fear, for whether in life or death we are abiding safely in His loving arms.  

      In the meantime, as we try to navigate this crazy earth, we have His Word and the Holy Spirit to build us up, to protect us from evil, and to sanctify us as we get ready for His return.  Jesus was also the Word that dwelt among us.  The Bible is not just a holy book, but it is the inerrant, God breathed inspired word of God.  Therefore, it is to be handled with fear, respect, and trepidation.  Just like there are people trying to dispute Jesus as the only way to God, there are also many people, even people in the church, trying to minimize the word of God.  I believe if you don't believe all of the Bible you are not really believing any of the Bible.   People who worship science and/or the creation more than the Creator try to discredit sections of the Bible all the time.  Once again, that is man's pride standing in the way of him finding Truth.  From Creation to Revelation, the entire Bible is truth.  Richard Rohr, I think, is the priest that says that the New Testament is just letters written by man with suggestions for living a good life.  That is simply not true.  Yes, the New Testament does consist of letters written by Christ's apostles, but they were God breathed, meaning God wrote the scriptures through man.  These were men that intimately knew the Savior, that shared in His sufferings, they walked with Him and talked with Him, and God spoke through them.  The Bible is God's word, it is absolute truth, explicit truth.  It is tried and true, and instead of looking at it as a book telling you all the things you can't do, it is a book that reveals Jesus to you, from Genesis to Revelation.  It is a cohesive story of God loving and pursuing His people, laying down His life for mankind, and saving us from death and sins that enslave us.  It explains our past, our present, and our future.  You need not worry about all the darkness in the world, because you can read for yourself how it's all going to end.  Whether you believe or not, one day we will all bow in His presence, every tribe, nation, and tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord.  You can accept that truth now and live a life of meaning and substance, or you can wait till the day that you bend your knee in fear and regret.  My prayer is that you will not wait one second longer, but you will choose this day whom you will serve.  I promise you that you will never regret a decision for Christ.  You can come as you are, but as you experience His love and sacrifice, you cannot stay as you are.  Surrender your life to Him now.  You won't regret it.  

The Silent Storm of 2020

     In the last couple of months, societal issues have jumped off the pages and slapped us smack dab in the face.  No warning, but rather a tidal wave of racial, political, economical, spiritual upheaval like never before.  People have stopped talking to each other, and replaced conversation with heated arguments.  Among peaceful God fearing protests are evil, lawless rioting, killing, and pillaging of our country.  Fear and anger have replaced faith and love.  A hate for America and God and Trump has lead people to spit in the face of liberty and democracy, and burn our sacred places of worship and our flag, the United States flag, the same flag that draped my dead father's body. With the media feeding the drama, the leader of the Black Lives Movement has inspired the illegal taking down of many of our historic monuments, including those that had nothing to do with racism.  Shaun King is now saying all monuments of Jesus need to be removed as well.  Could this really be happening in America?  When the lockdown first started, a faith stirred deep within my soul, that God was moving and calling us to stop for a while and evaluate our hearts, and after our hearts were cleansed, our lives would be restored to a better place.  A place where God was first, and everything else was here to glorify Him.  But sadly as I turned on the TV, I saw and heard things that ripped at my heart, because I could see that in the world, at least the world the media was showing us, instead of heart changes, there was this arrogance and self efficiency that was saying, "This isn't God, this is us!  We are winning this battle". Blasphemy like I had never heard before, even though I had heard whispers that I thought would eventually lead us to this.  Things like, "the Bible isn't really God's inerrant word, it is just letters that gives suggestions on how to live good lives" or "Jesus wasn't God, he was just a good teacher, like Muhammad or Buddha."  I felt as if there was an attack of a dark nature trying to steal my faith, but thankfully, I had surrounded myself with some strong, faith filled giants, and a God that would not let me go. 

     Right now, the focus is on racism, off of Covid 19 for a bit, with the horrid murder of George Floyd setting in motion a righteous anger for some, and an excuse for others to further their degradation of faith and light.  My opinion is that this righteous anger of the many was bound to come to a boiling point at some time.   It needed to, the devaluing of a life is a wretched sin in the eyes of God, and is not one He takes lightly.  But unlike the Black Lives Matter movement, I feel the answer to racism, poverty, and everything else will be found in turning to God, repenting and lamenting over our sins, including the sins of racism, and cleansing our country of darkness and replacing it with light, using God's wisdom to restore the family, the church, government, criminal justice systems, and any other system that needs repair. The hidden agendas in the BLM movement are not only about racism.  I think most people would argue that racism needs to be totally eradicated.  This is 2020.  America is a melting pot of different races and ethnicities that need to be celebrated, exactly like they will be one day when Jesus comes back, when every tribe and nation will worship Him together.  That union should start now, as I believe it has.  However, the Black Lives Matter Movement promotes some ideology that I truly believe if practiced would tear apart the lives of our black brothers and sisters in Christ.  Before you kill the messenger, let me try to explain.

     Candace Owens, a Black commentator,  said in a YouTube video that in the 1960's black America had 23% fatherlessness, which back then was a high percentage for fatherlessness in the family.  This statistic was taken right before Lyndon Johnson passed the Welfare Act.  Today, 74% of black Americans grow up without a father.  Candace believes this is because the Welfare Act made it more lucrative for a family if the father does not marry the mother or live in the home, forcing families to live without fathers. Therefore, Welfare encouraged fatherlessness.  I was a kid that grew up on a check from the government, although my dad was taken away by war, and that check was our compensation for fatherlessness.  I understand what Candace means when she says  that a government check keeps  you just right at the poverty line or at least the lower middle class line.  I think we were all made to live out our God given purpose, and that if you take that purpose away, people deteriorate.  They become apathetic, depressed, and there is nothing to encourage someone to excel.  People, especially children without fathers, fall in to depression, substance abuse, poor school performance, and eventually, the criminal justice system.  I'm not suggesting to get rid of Welfare, but rather reform Welfare to be a hand up, not a lifestyle choice.  Welfare as a lifestyle choice should be for the severely disabled and mentally ill who are incapable of sustaining any kind of work. The Black Lives Matter does not promote a nuclear family.  In fact, I felt that it did not promote black fathers at all, from what I read it didn't support black men at all.  Well, unless those black men were men transitioning to be females.  Instead of promoting fatherhood, it promoted a village type approach to caring for families.  While I do believe that has become necessary with the absence of fathers, I don't think you should abandon the idea of fatherhood altogether!  This is not only true in black families, but equally true with white, hispanic, and Asian families.

      President Obama said that children who live in homes without their fathers are 9 times more likely to end up in prison!  Fatherlessness in the family is not the only thing that determines incarceration though.  Children who can't read, can't gain lucrative employment, and have no direction from their fathers have a way higher chance of ending up in the criminal justice system.  Candace Owens also said in her Youtube video that 75% of black boys in California cannot pass a basic reading test!!  In Baltimore schools, a study looked across 5 inner city schools and NO black child passed the reading or math exam.  Now, the quick response would be to blame the teachers, but I can tell you that teachers are working harder now than they ever have.  There are more programs to address reading and math than you can imagine, and money is thrown at these situations like you can't believe.  Just like in the Criminal Justice System, it is not the majority of the police that is the problem.  It is the system in which they work that is the problem.  MONEY DOES NOT SOLVE ISSUES, NOR DOES PROGRAMS.  If they worked there would not be 75% of black boys in California that can't read and there would not be the statistic of a person being 9x more likely to be incarcerated if that solved the problem.  I think reformation starts at home first.  The sexual revolution has saturated kids with the notion. that it is ok to have sex before marriage, with anybody or anything.  Children are being sexualized like never before, further traumatizing kids that have no father to mentor or protect them.  Fatherless children are far more likely to be sexually abused, both girls and boys.  Children should not have to think about sex!!!  The media and entertainment industry needs to be cleaned up, standards need to be set for those who can't set them for themselves.  Parentless children or children in poverty are often raised by television.  Imagine what they have seen by the time they enter school.  Parents should be punished for traumatizing them by letting them pick their gender, or encouraging them to look and act older than they are.  We as a society need to protect our children from the darkness of the world.  Next, we need to find ways to encourage dads to stay at home.  Dads can stay at home if they can gain employment and if they are not incarcerated, so can moms.  We, as a society, need to figure out what is keeping this many children from learning.  I don't believe it is intelligence.  I have had EXTREMELY intelligent kids that could not read.  We need to study that from conception, the health of the mother, the neonatal care, and the list goes on and on.  I think one huge deterrent to learning is misbehavior in the classroom.  Nobody can learn in chaos.  Children that live in poverty and who do not have their basic needs met are not thinking about how to sound out words, they are thinking, "How can I get something to eat?"  or they are acting out their anxiety by misbehaving, no attention is being given to learning, which eventually leads down the path to the criminal justice system.

      The other night my family watched the story of Brian Banks.  Brian was a young black male when he was first incarcerated unjustly at the age of 16.  He was falsely accused of rape, with all the evidence pointing to his innocence, and his lawyer talked him into pleading No Contest to save him from prison time.  This however backfired on him, and he was unfairly incarcerated for 6 or 7 years.  This was a wonderful, kind, innocent young man that had his dreams snatched away from him and his mother at a young age.  Throughout the movie, you could see tons of places where criminal justice reform needs to take place.  There are so many instances of people being incarcerated who are innocent.  There are broken systems, I am not denying that fact.  Change needs to take place, but it doesn't come through hate and destruction.    It comes through the people advocating for rational change with rational plans and voting for rational people that can make those changes happen.  It takes leaders listening to the people that work in those systems.  They can tell you where change should happen.  In federal and state government decisions are guided by what gets those institutions the most money.  Money allocated shouldn't be based on numbers, it makes the systems cheat and nothing good can come from that.  I've seen it in education, so I'm sure it exists in the criminal justice system.  Everything is about money instead of truth, justice, and the people that those systems exist to serve.  The people of this great country have ideas on how to make change, somebody needs to shut up and listen.  Then that change can happen.  

      

      

     

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

     Last night was a time of great sadness and anxiety for our country.  Sadness for those who have had to endure racism, sadness for police officers that are judged for a few bad apples, sadness for the politicizing of every single thing that happens right now, sadness for the evil that is running rampant all over the world, sadness for a virus that is killing our elderly and compromised, and even sadness over a man that would have so much hate in his heart that he would not have compassion on a dying man.   It would SEEM that is all that is happening across this great country of ours right now, but if you put down your cell phone, turn off your TV, and get out your Bible, you will discover that there is nothing new under the sun.  Evil is as old as time, as old as the devil wanting to be greater than God, as old as Eve taking that first bite.  Evil will be here until Jesus's return.  If this world is all you think there is, it is no wonder there is such hopelessness.  Praise be to God, this world is just a blip for those who believe in Christ.  I have argued over and over again that politics won't save us, the economy won't save us, science and medicine won't save us!  We are too far gone, all of us.  Only the blood of a risen Savior can save us.  But just like the Israelites, our hearts are too stubborn to listen, we all think we have the answers, and we are turning to everything but God. 

     Last night we ventured out for dinner.  We were having a great night, everything seemed to be getting back to normal.  We had just left Slick's and were on our way to take Cole back to his apartment which took us through downtown.  Nothing new for us as we do this every weekend.  We love our city, and every weekend we drive around downtown after supper.  Dudley and I both love to people watch.  So, we were quite surprised when we accidentally drove up to a protest happening right outside the court building.  We were driving along, and didn't notice in time, that protestors were running out into the middle of the road to stop traffic or to get away from the courthouse.  All of a sudden, there was a super angry white guy facing our car making crude gestures straight in our face, yelling F... Y.... , and then a black girl threw either a can or a bottle toward our car.  I was yelling at Dudley to turn around, and he was trying to and getting mad at me for yelling, and Cole seemed to be aggravated at both of us.  We quickly turned around and drove off, but the faces of those in the protest stayed with me all night.  Such anger and it seemed directed at all of us in the cars, as people drove off, we had made our way to the ramp, and in the confusion, a young man accidentally hit us from behind.  He was clearly shaken, and Dudley assured him it was ok, and we were on our way back home.  All of that probably happened in 5 minutes time, but it stayed with me all night.  This incident was absolutely nothing to what the people in Minneapolis, Seattle, Atlanta, New York, Dallas, and Los Angeles have experienced the last 3 or 4 nights, so I can't imagine how all of the people involved in these protests, riots, and looting are feeling.  So, I thought what can I do with all this anxiety and sadness? So, after I downed a couple of brownies, watched hours of the riots, looked at Facebook posts, I finally went to bed and prayed.  This morning, I woke up thinking what can I do with all my thoughts, and so I decided to do what I always do, I decided to write....

     How on earth did we get to this moment in history?  With the Corona Virus, I definitely felt God was allowing this evil to give us a moment to get off the hamster wheel of life and take a look at our many idols that we had put before Him, a time to repent of materialism, narcissism, hedonism, and the list goes on and on...  I felt He was giving us a moment to turn back to Him, back to spending time with our families, and to taking time to love each other.  For a moment, I felt that was happening, but last night I felt like all hell was breaking loose.  I started thinking in my little mind, "God, wasn't the virus enough?"  But maybe it wasn't enough, after all, aren't we still fighting over which doctor is right, who should and should not be president, to go out or to stay in, and now mask or no mask.  Really?  What good does that do any of us?  Instead, I feel like I need to take a good close look at how I am contributing to this madness, and repent.  So, that's what I did.  I started taking a hard look at myself to see if there is any racism in my heart.  I didn't know many black people until I started teaching at 24 years old.  I vividly remember one black girl at our elementary school, and she wasn't in any of my classes because she was deaf (back then special ed was totally isolated out of the mainstream).  I remember her to be very sweet and funny.  Then when I was about in 4th or 5th grade a black family moved into our apartment complex.  They were a military family.  They had strict parents, or what I considered to be strict, and we all quickly became friends with their son and daughter.  That was my first friendships with anybody of a different race than mine.  I know that I had no racist thoughts about that family, but I did, out of ignorance, say something really racist one day to my friend, Sophia.  I had gone with another friend to Smallwood, a school for students with behavioral disorders (my friend's mother worked there).  When I got back, I had had a real education to say the least, and Sophia had asked me about it.  I said, "You would have hated it, it was just a bunch of N....... running around."  I will never forget the look on her face.  I had truly hurt her.  In my defense, I don't know where I had heard that word before, but in my thinking it was used for black kids that were bad, just like back then the word "redneck" was used for whites that were bad.  I didn't understand that that word was evil and would be demeaning to a good girl like Sophia.  I shouldn't have used it for the other kids either, but once I did, and once I saw the pain in her face, I never used it again.  Sophia and James and I remained friends until they moved out of our neighborhood, as most military families do, but I never forgot that incident.  This was in the 70's.  I never wanted to hurt another person like that again, and I pray that I haven't.  So, I don't feel like I have ever struggled with racism, but I think I do struggle with people who mock God.  People that don't have the reverence for Him that I think they should.  I have to pray hard to control my anger about people that treat God flippantly, even though I have done the same thing.  People say you hate in others what you hate in yourself.  I do hate that part of me that rebelled against God in my teen years, and so I'm not very tolerant of that in other people.  I don't know what to do with that anger, because I feel like I have a right to be angry about that.  But do I?  Shouldn't I have the love of Christ flowing out of me, wanting to love these people where they are, prayerfully hoping that they too will turn to Christ?  When I see their nameless faces, screaming and twisted in anger, saying things like, "Prayer didn't flatten the curve, we did."  I don't feel love, I feel anger.  When I see someone bragging about having an abortion or bragging about how the abortion industry is a billion dollar business, I feel anger.  I don't feel anger over my friends that have had abortions.  I know their hearts, and they wouldn't have done it if they hadn't felt there was any alternative.  But it is different when someone is bragging about it, and throwing it in your face, and trying to make you feel like you don't respect women if you don't believe in abortion.  So, I just pray for God to take my anger away, but even Jesus felt anger when he threw the money changers out of His house of Worship, right?  I feel like we are in a war against evil.  I know we are in a war against evil, and right now it seems to have heightened.  But we are not without hope.  Those who believe and obey Christ will never be put to shame.  That is a promise of God.  We may lose tiny battles, but ultimately we win.  We must always choose obedience, choose life, choose peace, choose Christ, and pray that the Holy Spirit will give you the power to make those choices, because we cannot do it on our own.  That one thing is very obvious.  But do not despair, be anxious for nothing, and in everything present your prayers and requests before God with thanksgiving for He cares for you.  What two commandments did He leave us with?  To love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF!

He Conquered Death for Us

     As I write this blog, the whole world has found itself in the midst of a global pandemic.  In a matter of weeks, life as we know it ceased to exist.  Children were sent home from schools, employees started working from home, or worse, lost their jobs, sporting events were cancelled, and the list goes on and on.  We have literally been sent home to save lives.  How did we get here and what will come of all this?  Those are the questions that have invaded my mind, night after night, for the past two weeks.  If you will allow me a moment, I would like to share my. thoughts.  These are not highly theological thoughts, but rather just my simple observations that excite me to my core, and if I'm being honest scare me a little bit too.  I hope you will find them as uplifting as I do....

     Right at the same moment this pandemic started escalating, I had just finished reading the Bible in its entirety for the first time in my life.  I have read the New Testament many times over, but just couldn't get through the Old Testament.  It felt irrelevant to me and could not keep my wavering attention.  However, this time I read it to get to know Jesus.  You can't really love someone and commit your whole life to them if you don't really know them, so that was my sole purpose in reading the Bible in this particular season of my life; to know and to fall more in love with Jesus. I think I will forever be changed after seeing God's story of redemption from the beginning to the end.  I have always believed in God, but I have not always thought He loved me.  I thought of Him as this powerful person that knew every bad thing I ever did, and was constantly punishing me.  If something in my life didn't go right, then it was because I had done something that didn't please God, and I could think of only a few possible incidents that God would have been pleased with me.  After a time of thinking this way, I became angry and rebellious, spiraling down into a pit of shame and guilt.  I don't know how I could have misunderstood God so badly.  However, right before this global shutdown, I had been thinking for a while now, how badly a lot of people are misunderstanding God.  In my 55 years on this earth, I have never seen such irreverence to the God of the Universe, the Creator of Mankind, the Savior of Our Souls.  If you start surfing through the channels, you will see on almost every station people blaspheming God, rebelling against His Word, thumbing their noses at His commands, and saying vile and horrible things aimed at belittling His Glory and Splendor.  I'm not just talking about nonbelievers either, I've heard some pretty shocking statements from believers as well.  For instance, Oprah saying any path leads to God, or a friend saying that Jesus was just a good teacher like Muhammad or Buddha.  People I love consulting Hindu counselors or students I adore dabbling in witchcraft.  Society as a whole has rewritten God's holy standards for our lives to fit their way of living; redefining marriage, saying it's ok to kill a baby, not just in the womb, but out of the womb as well, and now letting kids decide their gender!  People have become their own gods, deciding their own truth, everything is fluid and relevant, nothing is secure and absolute, and yet it is!  There is absolute truth and it is a person.  It is Jesus.  He is a holy and just God.  He is also a very jealous God. I used to think that sounded kind of bad, like I thought we aren't suppose to be jealous.  However, after finishing the Bible, I realized He is jealous for us because He knows He is what is best for us; His way is what makes us happy and whole and bound for eternity to live in perfect union with Him forever!  Forever!! That huge whole in our heart that we try to fill with relationships, drugs, alcohol, sex, food, sports, power, beauty, money can only be filled with His love.  I am not saying all this to sound super pious, because I am as guilty as the next guy.  I am saying these things because I love you and I want you to find Jesus and to truly know Him (not a man made version of HIM)  I am also not judging, I have pursued many of those things most of my life when I thought I was pursuing Jesus, and still struggle with total surrender, but I know God wants our whole hearts, and won't settle for anything less.

      The Israelites in the Old Testament were rescued by God out of slavery in Egypt through Moses.  He provided for their every need. He directed their paths with a cloud by day and fire by night.  They were on their way to the Promised Land, a land flowing with milk and honey.  YET, it wasn't enough!  The parting of the Red Sea, the annihilation of their enemies, being God's chosen people, they had it all, but they griped and grumbled and wanted more.  They turned to idolatry.  They wanted their own way and in their own timing.  Even though they were God's chosen people, He gave them what they wanted, and they ended up wandering around in the wilderness for forty years!  All through the Old Testament, when the people turned to God and put Him in His rightful place as God, they enjoyed protection and good days.  They did not live in cowering fear, for they knew they were God's and He was their Father.  Then would things would be at their best, they would get greedy and impatient, and start consulting and worshipping other gods of their time, man made, useless gods, and they would fall, whole societies wiped out.  God was patient and kind, and would forgive them over and over as they repented and turned back to Him.  As I read the Old Testament, I was astounded how many times He would forgive them.  This cycle repeated itself over and over and over.

     After Adam and Eve first sinned, and caused the downfall of mankind, a blood sacrifice would always be required for God's forgiveness and redemption.  This would be a foreshadowing all through the Bible of the final blood sacrifice that would ultimately be required for our sins, our idolatry, our greediness, our pride.  God in his foreknowledge knew this all along, and because He loved us, He made a plan of redemption from before the beginning of time.  When Abraham was asked to sacrifice his one and only son, God provided him with a lamb for the sacrifice instead. This would be the first foreshadowing of God's ultimate sacrifice of His one and only Son to atone for our sins.  He made a way for us to enjoy a perfect union with the Most Holy God.  In the temple, to enter the Most Holy of Holies, a priest would have to purify himself and make sacrifices before he could enter and be with God, and now, God made a way for Christ to live in us.  We can talk to Him any time we want.  God sent His only Son to become flesh and dwell among us.  He endured the same temptations we endure, so He knows what it is like.  He was despised, shamed, beaten, nailed to a cross, and took on the guilt and shame of the WORLD so that we could be covered by His blood and be found righteous before His father.  NO OTHER GODS OR PERSON DID THAT FOR YOU OR ME, NOBODY LOVES YOU LIKE THAT!  Nobody and Nothing!  No other God!!  He is the way, the truth, and the life, NO ONE comes to the FATHER, but by HIM.  All He requires is our everything; our hearts, our lives, our obedience.  Not because He is greedy, but because He knows once we are His, we are covered.  Our sins are covered, we have the one true God living in us, and for us.  The corona virus may cause us to be sick or even kill us, but it cannot take our soul, if we are God's. Once you are a Christian, to die is gain, and we have nothing left to fear.  Becoming God's child does not mean we won't have heart ache and tribulation on this earth, this earth is broken, but it does mean God is with us and for us, and that He will redeem us from it all.  The only thing that keeps me up at night, is my fear for my family, loved ones, and friends, and even my enemies, that do not know Christ yet.  I eagerly await Christ's return, but not until I know the people I love are right with God.  I ask God to forgive me because I was not a good role model for my own family.  Just like the Israelites, when God had given me everything I ever wanted, a husband, a wonderful career, two precious boys, I started chasing idols again.  Things that looked good; pleasing other people, encouraging my kids to pursue things more than I wanted them to pursue God, sleeping in on Sundays instead of church, and the list goes on and on.   It would take not one, but two, near death experiences, the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law, struggles with anxiety within our family, struggles in my career,  my mom's accident and death, the death of my father-in-law, and many more personal things within my family to bring me back to God.  Just like the world right now, I was very guilty of putting other things and people before God.  My prayers are full of repentance and a turning back to the One who is worthy of my worship, and when I pursue righteousness, all these things will be added unto me.  The world can do the same.  We can repent, fall on our faces before a Mighty God, ask for the blood of Jesus to cover our sins, humble ourselves and obey...  Then He will heal our land.

     As I said in the beginning of this blog, two questions were running through my mind when this pandemic hit.  How did we get here, and what will happen as the result of all this?  The first question is answered...  We got here by our pride and sinfulness, thinking we could be our own gods.  Greediness for more and more, not being satisfied with God's bountiful provisions.  All our idols are on shutdown.  We did this to ourselves.  It's not just because somebody ate a bat!  God no longer pours out His wrath on His People, only because of Jesus, the Jesus we mock every day, but what He does do is allow us to experience the consequences of our sins, not to be mean, but to call us back to Him.  Our sins have consequences, believe me, I know.  What happens now is up to us.  Will this humble us or make us more rebellious?  Will we allow this pandemic to draw us back to God, or will we continue to be our own pitiful mini gods?  Medicine and science may save us from this pandemic, God willing, but will we be quick to forget like we did after 9/11?  Or we will take this time to allow Christ to change our hearts and minds.  I pray for a great revival to sweep across this world, and that we will honor Christ as the ONE TRUE GOD.  I pray mostly that I would keep God in his rightful place in my life for the rest of my days.  This is what excites me to my core, the hope of a nation turning back to God.  But like I said earlier, this is also what scares me too.  Unlike 9/11, I don't see society as a whole being humbled by this pandemic.  People are still being horrible on TV, fighting in their own families, hoarding toilet paper, or is that just what the media is showing us?  Hopefully, we are being humbled by this.  That is my prayer, and I hope it is yours too.

A Life Well Lived

   

     What do we want people to say about us after we are gone?  Do we want them to comment on our wealth, or how beautiful we were, or how our house was immaculate?  Once we are gone, do those things even matter at all?  Like the saying goes, "You can't take it with you!"  There is a passage in the Bible that says something to the effect if God doesn't exist, let us live for the day.  Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.  Now that doesn't mean any of those things are bad in themselves, but thanks be to God, we don't have to say that.  This life that would take a mother too soon is not all there is, we don't just have today, IF we have God.  I am so comforted to say that our friend, Cathy,  knew and loved Jesus.  How do I know this?  I know this by how she loved all those around her.  I know this by her servant heart.  How she was an amazing wife to Robert,  a loving mother to Coy and Cooper, an amazing daughter to her parents, a loyal sister to Debbie and Kim, a doting aunt to all her nephews, and a much loved friend to all of the rest of us.  The love of her Heavenly Father spilled over from her onto all of us.  She loved well!  There is nothing she wouldn't do for one of her friends or for her family.  Not too long ago several friends of ours got together to have brunch, and Cathy was the life of the party.  She beamed with pride when she talked about her boys and Robert, and she made us laugh hysterically when she told us about dressing Bodine for his son's wedding. Like I said, there was nothing she wouldn't do for any of us.  Cathy, Linda, and Debbie all came to my mother's memorial service, and I was so comforted to see them all there.  Our families have known each other since the third grade, and Cathy literally never changed.  She was always funny, always up for a great story or conversation, always ready to help, and always lit up any room she entered.  I will miss her laughter the most, and this funny little expression she would make with her eyebrows when something was really funny.  She is a reminder to us all to love God, love each other, and have a selfless servant heart.  This side of heaven we can't understand how God would take such a bright light from our lives, while so many other less appreciative people of life are left.  But I know this...  I know that God loves Cathy, God loves her family, and God loves all of us, and I know that he will give all of us, especially her family and her handsome boys and husband, the strength and courage for the days ahead.  I also know that we will see her again, I know that does little to appease the hurt now, but it will in the coming days.  We can learn so much from her life.  I know that I will try not to waste any moments with my family, that I will appreciate time more than I did before, that I will try to love more and better, because like Cathy, I want it to be said of me, "She loved God and she loved others well."  What more could we want from this life?  Cathy lived her best life, she didn't waste the moments, and she loved well, and now she is hearing from her Heavenly Father, "Well, done my good and faithful servant."  Let her life inspire us to live life to the fullest and appreciate our time together!  

Realizing Your Worth as a Child of God

   








   

     At the end of my junior year in high school I had totally come to the end of myself.  I had spent a year and a half doing everything imaginable.  I won't lie,  in the midst of my drunken binges, I thought I was having the time of my life.  My friends at that time, like me, were in a stage of feeling unnoticed, less than, abandoned, and so we just spent our nights and weekends having fun.  In my mind, they weren't doing anything wrong, they still had good lives in the morning, but I felt like my world was crumbling beneath my feet.  During that time I  was stupidly courageous, and (in my mind) oh so funny , and for that short time all my problems and insecurities would disappear.  But then the morning would come, and I would find myself filled with shame, remorse, and self loathing. With each binge, the self loathing would be a little worse than the time before, until I just wanted to die.  It was at that moment that I fell on my face before God and prayed the most heartfelt prayer of my life.  Through many tears, I prayed for forgiveness and for God to save me.  I told Him that I couldn't change on my own, that he would have to send help.  I told Him I did not feel loved or lovable and for him to please send someone that could help me experience His love in a tangible way.  God in his infinite mercy did just that. Not only did God provide me with amazing  friends at that time, who though they were in a similar predicament as me, were super supportive and motivating, but He also gave me my knight in a flannel shirt!

     My friends during my senior year and even my remaining friends from my junior year were so loving and supportive of me.  They would listen to my stories, and encourage me always.  We all had big dreams together.  We would ride around in our cars or lay out at the pool and just dream and laugh.  Many of my friends during that period were from Signal Mountain and were friends with Dudley.  So they were very encouraging when I said I wanted to date him.  Dudley and I had actually been friends since the 9th grade.  We even went on one date in 10th grade (he got mad at me because I changed our plans for our second date and that ended that).  However, we remained good friends.  Dudley always made me laugh.  He was just the nicest guy, and he was always so kind to me.  I was determined that he was going to be mine.  This felt different than my pursuit of other boys.  One thing I really loved about Dudley was that he would not let me tell him what to do.  He was just so strong, not just physically, but mentally.  He knew what he liked and what he didn't like, what he would do and wouldn't do, and there was no pretense about him.  He was totally opposite of me in that way.  Even after my heartfelt cry to the Lord, unknown to me at the time, I was still very much a people pleaser.  I was still looking for that love and acceptance that I had never felt before.  I knew my only hope was God, but I was still so broken, that it would take many more years to put me back together.  One of my good friends at the time was very close to Dudley.  They had been childhood friends and her boyfriend was one of Dudley's good friends, so immediately I put them to work.  There were many nights, my friend and I would drive to Dudley's house in Summertown at 2 o'clock in the morning, honking our horn, and getting him to come out and talk with us.  One time he went riding with us and I told him that I knew someone that liked him, but that he may not like her because she was kind of chubby! haha!  To which he replied, "Well, I probably wouldn't like her if she's fat!"  I was like, "I know her better than anybody else." (wink, wink) He continued to act like he didn't know I was talking about myself, but later, he agreed to meet us at a football game.  From that day on, there was not one day that we were apart.  We had so much fun!!!  Four wheeling, hiking, riding around trying to get scared, sledding, bowling, going to movies, hanging out at his house, hanging out with our friends, and the list goes on and on. I immediately fell in love with Dudley's family as well, especially his mom, Betsy.  She was the closest person to a saint that I have ever met.  She was just so amazing.  She worked three jobs when I first met her, but even doing that, she would always invite me to dinner or to family holidays, and I immediately felt a part of their family.  I was getting to see first hand in Betsy true holiness.  She was so Christlike.  She was a nursing instructor in the day, and on the weekends she would sit all weekend with one of her daughter's friends that had been hit on a motorcycle and was in a coma like state.  She would take care of the elderly or the sick.  I don't think I ever saw her sit down for more than 10 minutes.  She was always serving someone.  God was answering my prayers in such a big way.  However,  even though I was sincere when I asked God to save me, I guess I still thought that I could run my life better than He could.  How stupid and arrogant is that?  I think many twenty year olds don't want to fully surrender to Christ at that age because they think He will take away their fun or they don't want to give up their freedom.  What I didn't realize and they don't realize is the only way to be truly free is to surrender every aspect of your life, only then will you know true freedom.  But I was still stubborn, and even though I had quit binge drinking, my heart was still very sinful.  It was impossible to clean myself up on my own, but that is what I set out to do.  I read every Christian self help book you could find, and tried to imitate the people in those books.  I watched Christian television almost every night.  I watched my future mother-in-law so carefully, because I wanted to be just like her. I was like a sponge, but my heart was still wanting to please everyone more than I wanted to please God.  So, like my younger years, if I was with Christian friends, I would walk the walk and talk the talk, and if I was still with friends, that like me still didn't know who they really were in Christ, I would cuss, gossip, drink, and do all the things I did before (just not as bad as before).  I was literally still two different people.  I think my mom was the same way.  To some people, she was the most angelic Christian women, and then there were times she would do things totally opposite of her character.  I hated the incongruency in both of us, but it didn't stop us.  We didn't have clear boundaries, and we just always wanted the acceptance of everyone around us. We believed in God, feared God, but we did not feel worthy of God's love and forgiveness.  Therefore, there was still a lot of  pretense to my Christian walk.
      However, I was totally fooled into thinking I was living the way God wanted me to live, and after six years of dating Dudley, we were finally to be married.  That was one of the happiest days of my life.  I believed I was totally in God's will, that I was following Him closely, both Dudley and I were in church, and the first part of my dream was coming true.  Little did I know that I was still making the same mistakes I had made all my life.  I was looking to God as my big Santa Clause in the sky, and instead of truly pursuing Him, I was really pursuing the American Dream.  I was looking to Dudley for my security, instead of Christ.  I was still trying to look the part of a Christian wife, but without any true surrender.  I had almost totally quick drinking by then, thinking that meant surrender, which now I see as being so immature in Christ.  Christ was calling for a total surrender of the heart, for me to believe His words, to look to Him for my security and perfect love, and not to put all of that on my new husband.  Our pastor that had done our premarital counseling had told us that he predicted we would have two problems in our marriage, my deep insecurity and money.  He couldn't have been more dead on.  That whole message of not being good enough continued to plague my mind.  Every little suggestion Dudley would make on how to improve our lives or marriage I took as deep criticism and the assurance that he would definitely stop loving me, just like everybody else.  My father left his baby daughters, other boyfriends had left, Jesus couldn't possibly still love me after all the horrible things I had done, and Dudley would soon discover how unlovable I was, and he would surely leave too.  It was a hard road, but Dudley stood strong and has hung in there with me all these years, loving me in spite of my brokenness.
     Because of my brokenness and insecurity, I would put God and Dudley through so many tests.   I wanted to present the image of a perfect Christian couple setting up their first home, and I would do that by spending loads of money that we did not have.  With Dudley being very good with money, and me spending everything we had, it put a definite strain on our family of two.  Dudley had decided to go back to school to get his degree, and I was a beginning special education teacher that was really struggling to stay at her job.  I loved my students, but I was a terrible disciplinarian!  Once again my people pleasing was rearing its ugly head, and I just could hardly bring myself to discipline my students for fear they wouldn't like me.  Needless to say, they were able to totally run over me.  I would go home every day begging Dudley to quit, I was so miserable.  I'm sure that brought him great stress and anxiety, but slowly things got better, and we passed that hurdle.  Our marriage was solid because we truly loved each other and were serious about our commitment that we made before God and our friends and family, and yet we would have many struggles along the way.  I wanted control over everything. I wasn't willing to surrender to Dudley or to God, because I still had major trust issues.  I was still trying to earn my salvation, earn love, and earn acceptance.  It was a daily battle.  All my victories were always overshadowed by my failures.   Two steps forward, three steps back was the course of my life.
    Dudley and I immediately wanted children, even though we couldn't afford them.  After trying for years with no success, I went to a fertility doctor and discovered I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and was not ovulating regularly.  Great news for a girl that was all about trying to achieve and feeling like a failure!  My closest friends were getting pregnant left and right, and some already had children, and I just knew this was my punishment for being so horrible in my teen years.  My thinking always went to the worst about God.  He was still angry with me, maybe he hadn't forgiven me.  The shame was still buried deep.  As the fertility treatments started, I was blessed with two very special people who cheered me on each week, my dear friend Melanie, and the amazing nurse at the fertility clinic.  She would call me Angel and Lovey each week, and told me she was sure it was going to happen, as did Melanie.  Finally, after years of trying and two years of fertility treatments, I became pregnant and gave birth to a precious almost 10 pound baby boy, Ben Louis Cole Green.  I had never known a greater love.  I think I loved him so much it hurt.  He was perfection.  His birth gave me hope that maybe God was for me and still loved me.  Dudley's love became more apparent at that moment as well.  I could feel his approval and love for me in a big way, and it brought me reassurance that maybe he did love me as well.  When you base whether or not you are loved by your successes and achievements, you are leaving yourself open to so much pain, and a wavering faith.  I was like the believer that the Bible describes as being tossed by the waves, not solidly grounded in Christ's love. So in my mind, when things were going my way, according to my plans, God loved me, and when things went wrong, God never loved me and He was still punishing me for all the wicked things I had ever done.  Just like before, when I totally rebelled against God, my tendency was to do that again, but in a much more subtle way.  It was a very slow fade.  Just like the song lyrics, "It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away. https://youtu.be/QASREBVDsLk
      Right after God had given me the desires of my heart, which was an amazing husband and a beautiful, healthy baby boy, I was dedicated to be faithful to Him.  We were in church, I was studying my Bible, and that would continue through the birth of my next adorable, healthy baby, our red headed Jackson Creed Green, who brought so much laughter to our family.  When things were good, I felt close to God.  However, just like a spoiled child, if I was not getting my way, I would turn to other things for my happiness.  Things like food, or shopping, or looking to my kid's accomplishments as my self worth as a mother.  I was starting the same cycle all over again, totally unknown to me at the time.  I was trying to please people again, and teaching my kids to do the same. I wasn't teaching them about the unconditional love of God, about not earning salvation, but accepting it as a free gift, of learning to love God because of who He is and what He did for us on the cross, not for what he could give us or do for us, and I was totally trying to be my own god, trying to control everyone and everything (which by the way is exhausting).
     I believe God lets us totally get to the end of ourselves so He can finally become God to us.   Both of my pregnancies were extremely hard with hormone treatments and shots, violent sickness, Fifth's disease with Cole, placenta privea with Jackson, (which led to steroid shots, total bed rest, panic attacks, and a C-section), and during all of this Dudley going back to school, and a lack of money.  Shortly after this time period, Dudley started having extreme anxiety (I wonder why?) and I had a near death experience that led me to being in ICU for weeks and a surgery that would lead to many other health problems through the years.  With all the wonderful things that were happening to us, our boys, our time with family and friends, we would become neglectful of those good things, as we dwelled on the bad things that had happened to us.  After all God had brought us through, you would think our faith would be rock solid, but instead, at least for me, I was always fearful of what God would do next.  That fear of God and not trusting His goodness slowly crept back into my life.   God had saved my life not once, but twice.  He had given me a faithful, strong husband and two amazing boys.  I had discovered I had a brother from my dad that I had never known.  We were part of a huge loving family.  We both had meaningful jobs.  However, instead of praising God every day and living as His faithful child, I thought I could run our lives better.  When I look back, I think how could I be so stupid?  I thought the same thing as I just completed the first 16 chapters of the Bible and studied God's chosen people being led out of Egypt, out of slavery, on their way to the Promised Land, with God performing all these amazing miracles and provision along the way, and yet they would turn their backs on God and start worshipping man made idols.  Who would do that?  I'll tell you who, me!  How could I not see God being my Father all along?  How could I not see that he saved me from pregnancies before marriage, from being killed the many times I drove drunk, from being arrested, from being barren, from poverty, from marrying the wrong person, and most of all from being lost for the rest of my life?  How could God save me from all of that and me not trust Him enough to totally surrender my life to Him?  Was it pride?  Was it fear from being rejected so many times before by so many people, especially men?  Was that feeling of abandonment keeping me from experiencing the love of the one who would never abandon me?  Was it from unforgiveness in my heart?  Or was it just because I was so stubborn and spoiled that I wanted to run my own life?  I don't really know, all I know is that now, I finally want to surrender.  I want to have a genuine relationship with God, just because He loves me and laid down His life for me.  I want to know Him better and trust Him more, in the good and the bad.  I know now that nothing I do or don't do could earn my salvation, that instead, it is God's grace filled, undeserved gift to me.  All I have to do to qualify is to believe and trust.  I am not rejected or abandoned, but fully known and fully loved.  I am the daughter of the Almighty King and nothing can take that away from me.  I am not fatherless, but Father filled.  I am so thankful to be His, and I want everyone else to feel His love and redemption.  We have a good, good Father.  I pray you find Him for yourself.