People-Pleasing Chameleon

 

Chameleons are fascinating creatures with their most amazing feature being able to blend in to their environments.  It is the way they protect themselves from predators.  However, if you're a human chameleon that is a very dangerous thing, because who you are depends on who you are with at the time.  So, you actually become who you hang around.  Sometimes that can be who you actually are, but sometimes you can lose your whole identity just by changing company.  In the Bible, God says you can't be a people pleaser and please Him, and yet I've lived most of my life that way.  Since the death of my sweet mom, I've had time to reflect on her life and mine.  My mother lived a very hard life as a single mother.  Mom was a major people pleaser.  She searched for love and companionship almost to her death, not totally realizing she had it all along.  She loved Jesus fiercely, but I question whether she ever fully realized how much He loved her.  Because life had dealt her so many hard knocks, I believe she maybe questioned God's love.  Or maybe, I'm just pushing that off on her, because that is the way I think I felt as a teenager and young adult.  Do you ever question God's love when bad things happen to you?  It's definitely a normal reaction, I would think.  Just like Mom, toward the latter years of my life, looking back, I can definitely see God's protection and presence in all the bad things.  I think God warns us against people pleasing as protection from harm.  A warning I just never could quite grasp, I wore people pleasing like a badge of honor, wanting to have tons of friends and for everyone to like me.  It's quite arrogant to even think everyone could like you, and yet I didn't get it.  I wanted the approval of my peers more than I wanted God's approval.  I thought I needed it to be happy and whole, that somehow I was not good enough to even exist if I didn't have it.  So when things were good and I seemingly had approval from others I was on Cloud 9, but when I didn't I would sink to despair and for some weird reason blame it on God.  Why did you make me like this God?  I took all my anger out on Him, the only One that loved me just the way I was and loved me enough not to leave me there.  That's why our identity is so very important!  We wear many earthly identities, such as student, mom, dad, sister, daughter, and the list goes on and on.  But if you put your full identity in those things when they are taken away from you, you become nothing and feel so very lost, questioning, "Why am I even here, God?"  

This leads me to my whole purpose in writing this blog.  I want to give you the greatest gift I've ever received.  I didn't have to earn it, I didn't have to work for it, I didn't have to change one thing about me to get it!  The greatest gift I ever received was my true identity in Christ!  Once you have it, you can never lose it.  Once you realize how fully known and fully loved you can be, no matter what, you can rest secure and be at peace with yourself, but it is a process.  For me, it has been a life long process, because I was so ingrained in being a people pleaser, but God has been faithful even in my pain.  I've been extremely hurt by others and I have hurt other people because I was so very insecure, and I can still do that at times.  However, the more I read God's words through the Bible, the more I pray for His help and guidance, the closer He draws me to Him, the more I feel His presence and love for me, the further I get from people pleasing.  It doesn't mean I still don't want people to like me, it just means I don't have to lose who I truly am to make another person feel comfortable.  The more I can set boundaries in relationships, which has also been a really, really hard thing for me as well, the more satisfied I become and less angry and the less hurt.  Don't get me wrong, I don't know if I'll ever totally be free of this, this side of heaven, but I have hope that I will, because the Bible says, "Who the Son sets free, is free indeed!"  I hope you too can find your true identity and security in Christ, because once we do, it is absolutely all we will ever need or desire."  

Unshakeable Ground

     From the beginning of the pandemic, I have felt  God has been exposing the  hearts of man.  There has been this stripping away of sorts to see where we have placed our hope and security.  According to Mental Health America, the following stats show an upward trend in mental illness, depression, and suicides in the past year:

• In 2019, just prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, 19.86% of adults experienced a mental illness, equivalent to nearly 50 million Americans.  
• Suicidal ideation continues to increase among adults in the U.S. 4.58% of adults report having serious thoughts of suicide, an increase of 664,000 people from last year’s dataset. The national rate of suicidal ideation among adults has increased every year since 2011-2012. This was a larger increase than seen in last year’s report and is a concerning trend to see going into the COVID-19 pandemic.
• A growing percentage of youth in the U.S. live with major depression. 15.08% of youth experienced a major depressive episode in the past year, a 1.24% increase from last year’s dataset. In the bottom-ranked states, up to 19% of youth ages 12-17 experienced major depression.
• Over 2.5 million youth in the U.S. have severe depression, and multiracial youth are at greatest risk. 10.6% of youth in the U.S. have severe major depression (depression that severely affects functioning). The rate of severe depression was highest among youth who identified as more than one race, at 14.5% (more than one in every seven multiracial youth).

     These are grim statistics.  We haven't gone through a war or a severe depressive economic state yet, but we have seen many loved ones die and have experienced isolation from everyone we love, we've seen  shortages of goods, we have had major racial unrest and political division, divorces, and major polarization.  We are bombarded by bad news daily, or by the minute if you are constantly on your phone or computer.  Many people have left their faith, while others have risked their lives to follow their faith.  Moral depravity seems to really have skyrocketed as well.  The entertainment industry has become extremely dark, brutally dark, at a time where we need light the most.  So with this decline of society, comes hoards of people with solutions.  Everyone from celebrities, to sports stars, to talk show hosts, to politicians, social media enthusiasts, and pastors are weighing in with their solutions to our weary hearts. Some solutions are so nonsensical that I find myself laughing to keep from crying.  The solutions expose the hearts of the people that give them, for this is where their hope and security lie.  

      If we look around it seems so dark and hopeless.  I have to admit I have felt hopeless at times.  I remember when I had had my first baby.  I was so excited to be a mother, I had gone through fertility treatments for years, only to be disappointed over and over again.  I thought it was never going to happen for me and Dudley.  But finally, we had a positive test!  It was too good to be true, and shortly thereafter an almost 10 pound baby boy was born!  One of the happiest days of my life!  I loved being a mom more than anything else, but I did not love being sleep deprived.   Cole was constantly hungry!  So we were up every 3 hours feeding him.  I have never been that tired in my life.  I kept thinking I can't survive this, I really can't.  So to gain some hope I would talk to other mothers, and they would all say, "Oh, it only gets harder!"   That one sentence would freak me out to no end.  I thought, "Please don't say that because I'm holding on by a thread right now."  I needed someone to give me hope, something to hold on to, something to get me through the sleepless nights.  It's the same now.  People keep saying, "It's only going to get worse," and I keep thinking where is the dang hope in that!!  As Christ followers, we are to be the light and hope infiltrating the darkness and despair.

     So, in response to that I have been studying the Bible more than I ever have before and surrounding myself with people full of light and hope, and I am finding a great Light in the middle of the darkness, no matter the circumstances.  That's not to say, I haven't cried a lot, but the tears have been cathartic and filled with hope and blessings abound.  

     God's word gives me great hope, not just for this time in history, but for the future of my kids, and their kids, and their kids' kids!  God has a plan.  He has had it all along and He tells us His plan in His word and through His Son, Jesus Christ.  If our hope is in Christ, we will never be ashamed!  We will never be overcome.  We will never even experience death.  Our future is bright, no matter what happens on this earth!  Turn off your phones and TVS and look up!  He is The Way, The Truth, The Life.  He is the answer to all our questions.  He is the healing balm to all our diseases, either this side of heaven or the other side.  Don't despair for God's got this!