But God.....

  Jonah's Prayer

(borrowed by me)

Jonah 2:1-9

Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God, out of my distress, 

and He answered me;

out of the belly of Sheol I cried,

and you heard my voice.

For you cast me into the deep,

into the heart of the seas,

and the flood surrounded me;

all your waves and your billows 

passed over me.

Then I said, I am driven away from your sight;

yet I shall again look

upon your holy temple.

The waters closed in over me to take my life;

the deep surrounded me;

weeds were wrapped about my head

and the roots of the mountains.

I went down to the land

whose bars closed upon me forever;

yet you brought up my life from the pit, 

O Lord my God.

When my life was fainting away,

I remembered the Lord,

and my prayer came to you,

into your holy temple.

Those who pay regard to vain idols

forsake the hope of your steadfast love.

But I with the voice of thanksgiving

will sacrifice to you;

what I have vowed I will pay,

SALVATION BELONGS TO THE LORD!

      After writing the last blog, I went into a kind of panic mode.  I started thinking what on earth will people think of me, as only I can do; but my dear friends would remind me of why I wanted to write this blog, and that maybe it will help some other girl or guy caught in the same place. Not that I am claiming to be perfect now, sin has repercussions, and even though I knew in my head I was forgiven, it has taken almost my whole life to get rid of the shame I felt over those few short years.  Several life events that have occurred in the past few years, also brought about this blog; the death of my mother and my high school reunion.  Seeing old friends and saying goodbye to my mom, brought on a wave of emotion and some regret over those earlier years.  So while I am writing this to try to help the fatherless, I am also writing this for myself.  Hopefully, the final healing to those old wounds.

     My last blog was about the darkest moments of my life, but they do not paint the whole picture.  It's like those moments were just specks of pepper in a sea of salt.  Along with those moments that I had turned my back on God, He, in his infinite mercy and grace, had placed people and events all throughout my life that would give me strength and purpose to go on.  First of all, He had given me the most amazing mom in the world.  Even though she was acting out of some of her broken places, she had a never-ending, unconditional love for me and everyone she knew.  Her love literally knew no limits, and there was nothing she wouldn't do for me or my sister.  Even though I was terribly insecure, there wasn't a day that my mom wasn't telling me how beautiful I was, or how smart I was, or how proud she was of me.  She refused to believe anything bad about me, even when I was acting my worst.  She was my biggest cheerleader.  She would also surround us with family as much as possible.  We would spend every holiday and summer on the lake at my Aunt Cathy's, making amazing memories with my cousins, Randy and Mike.  Even though Texas was 1,000 miles away, she would find a way to take us to visit my grandmother and the rest of the Snowden family.  I was and am so Snowden proud!  I never left Georgetown not feeling on top of the world, or like I could accomplish anything I set my mind to.  My family is amazing and have rallied around us our whole life.  Some of my most amazing memories are with my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  All fatherless children need that time with extended family.  If you are a single mom and your family is not awesome, find one that is, and spend quality time with them.  Also, find a church family that will speak into you and your children for their lifetime.  Those things are priceless.  

      Along with the most amazing mom and family in the world, God has always given me the very best of friends.  There are very few friends that I have had since 2nd grade, that I am not still friends with today.  They just have that kind of staying power, both boys and girls.  We have laughed together and cried together and shared our innermost secrets.  Every one that knew of Mom's death and could came to the funeral home, I have never felt so blessed in all of my life.  I want to list them all by name, but I am so scared I would leave somebody out.  In our earlier years, we would hang out in my room talking about boys and cutting out Leaf Garrison or Shawn Cassidy posters from Teen Beat, or we would let boys chase us with crawdads in the creek (really it was a drainage ditch), or we would play kick-the-can until 2 o'clock in the morning! We were also finding secret places to make forts, either by the duck pond or on the wooded hill across from our apartments.  Later, we would burn incense and listen to Fleetwood Mac or make Charlie's Angels Snow woman when it snowed.  We would have hilarious slumber party's in basements, making Coke floats and snicker doodles.  We would spend endless hours at the pool looking at magazines and frying our skin (no sunscreen back then).  We would play pranks on each other or try to get scared, or go sledding in the snow.  Just endless hours of laughter and fun!  Priceless memories that made the bad times fade into the background.  Those moments are good for the soul.  Those are your peeps, and you need your peeps. Even now, my friends that I have made through teaching, carry me through.  Their encouragement and our moments of laughter are infectious!  I couldn't live without them!  Find your peeps, and if they are not people that lift you up, then find those that do!  Do not surround yourself with negative people or with people who don't believe in you.  Don't be unequally yoked either, surround yourself with people who will keep you accountable and aren't afraid to speak truth into you.  Single moms or dads don't let desperation for help lead you to trust in people who don't deserve your trust.  There are good people out there you just have to seek them out.

     Another gift God gave to me to help me along through life was an amazing education.  I will never forget Ms. Quinton in the first grade that loved me enough to throw me over her rather ample lap and give me a spanking when I had done something wrong.  All the while, giving me my great love for reading.  When you can read, there is nothing you can't do!  (For those with disabilities that make it where you can't read, there is now You Tube and Podcasts and Audible Books, so no excuses) I would devour everything I could get my hands on!  I would escape to far away places and dream big dreams.  To say I was a bookworm is an understatement.  Then, in fourth grade, I had Ms. Besse Owens!  She created such a happy place for us to learn.  Along with many other things, she taught us Rocky Top and many other songs and plays.  I think that year we were in at least three plays!  Then, on to Mr. McDevitt who taught us speed reading and all about the arts.  He would take us to Hunter Museum like once a month, trying to make us as cultured as possible.  Our teachers were available to us and we visited them at their homes (you can't do that now), but their teaching knew no bounds.  They would give us jobs to make money, and just speak such life into us.  They gave me the desire to want to teach.  A lot of times, in fatherless homes, money is exceptionally tight, and therefore, an education is an absolute must.  I was able to go on to college because of the VA bill.  There is so many ways for kids to go to college today or trade schools that it is just a shame if you miss out on that.  Education will help you pay the bills.  

     Above all, the most amazing gift God gave me, was his son Jesus Christ.  None of the stuff or people mentioned above would amount to a hill of beans if it wasn't for my ever growing relationship with Him.  My journey with Christ has not been an easy one, mainly, because of my own stubbornness, rebellion, and pride.  I first accepted Jesus into my heart in the first grade and was baptized.  Soon thereafter, I led my first convert to Jesus, my friend Donna Gail.  But as my insecurity grew deeper and deeper, my fear of God overruled my love of God.  I always have believed in God.  There has never been a moment in my life that I didn't, but I haven't always loved and trusted God.  I had so much anger with Him for a time, and because I felt like He hadn't given me any talents, I just felt short changed and tried to run my own life.  I would get to moments where I thought I could trust Him and love Him, and I would get baptized again.  The shame I always felt, just always made me think I was too bad for God to love.  I think that is probably sinful, thinking your sin is greater than God's sacrifice, and even though I know in my head that it is not, I struggle to feel it in my heart.  To this day, I catch myself when the hymns are being sung about God's mercy and grace, just bubbling over with tears and gratitude that He would love a wretch like me.  It's truly a miracle of how vast his grace is over our pride and rebellion.  Also, at times, I catch myself trying to earn my salvation.  It is just so hard for me to believe it is an unmerited gift (something I want to talk about later in my blog). But it is an unmerited gift, nothing we can say or do can make God love us any more or any less.  Earlier in my blog, I said I was mad at God because He wasn't protecting me.  However, as I look back over my life, he most definitely was!  The fact that I lived through some of the things I did is a miracle in itself.  Also, the amazing people and opportunities He scattered throughout my life have carried me down a beautiful path, and God will do the same for you.   You only have to ask him to come into your life and give Him the reins.  It may not always be easy, but it will always be worthwhile.  And sometimes we may wander off from Him, but He will not wander from you.  Seek Him first and all these things will be added unto you.  

PS.  I haven't forgotten Dudley and my boys, they will come next.  My greatest gifts of all!